T., Brooklyn, United States
A good friend recently passed away. My spirit has been lifted by the weather
which is good but I feel like I’m not mourning correctly. Can you help me navigate these
feelings.
T.
KSP:
My condolences to you on your friend’s passing. I sense a feeling of guilt that your spirit has
been lifted by the weather. It suggests that the immediate everyday is important to you and
affects you greatly. If that is true, then is there a way of paying respect to your friend in the
course of your daily activities? Is there a place you used to go regularly, perhaps somewhere
you met or a shared meaningful activity out of which you could make a minor tradition? Are
there mutual friends with whom you could reminisce and build solidarity? Perhaps this
friend’s family needs practical support, or there might be a way to support a cause close to
their heart.
Of course, there is no correct way of mourning, but we can find ways of honouring and
paying tribute to those we have lost. Building meaningful traditions with ourselves and others
that also feel the loss.
Adorno has a good maxim for this, “Wrong life cannot be lived correctly”. The sense being
we cannot live based on a validated externality, one needs to take the initiative and linger in
the ambivalence of the course of life. In that spirit I give you a poem by mystic-poet Kabir, in
a modern translation by Arvind Krishna Mehrotra, which enigmatically calls for one to take
control themselves, regardless of creed or disposition.
To tonsured monks and dreadlocked Rastas
To tonsured monks and dreadlocked Rastas,
To idol worshippers and idol smashers,
To fasting Jains and feasting Shaivites,
To Vedic pundits and Faber poets,
The weaver Kabir sends one message:
The noose of death hangs over all.
Only Rama’s name can save you.
Say it now.
-Kabir
Translated By Arvind Krishna Mehrotra
