A., London, United Kingdom

My elder sister recently passed away having suffered an undignified illness for a long time. This was a painful experience for me. And now my only surviving sibling, my younger sister, is experiencing similar health issues and increasing pain. The prospect of facing a similar situation myself as I get older and more physically weak makes me frightened and frustrated. How can I continue to think positively and simply look forward to a happy and gratifying old age existence? 

A.

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KSP:

Firstly, I am sorry for your loss and the suffering of your sisters.  I wonder if there is a way here to reframe the question of happiness and positivity for yourself. On one hand, we are all headed towards death, a great ending of a sort, yet on the other, we must live now which is predicated on various possibilities and limitations. As we grow older we can often fixate on the limitations, and lose sight of the increasing possibilities that can come with experience – with knowing what you don’t know.

The question is, in your current good state of health, are you able to get done what you want to get done? Are there goals, ambitions, desires, interests that you want to nurture on an everyday level?. Make plans and act upon them. In maintaining an active life full of desires and interests you will be making sure your interior life is plentiful and this can only put you in good stead for staying in touch with your physical body, recognising when ailments may occur and having the motivation to treat them. 

Below I give you a poem by John Keene which may help you focus on the arena of the everyday with the personal epics that bring colour and meaning to our self-embodiment. 

Ten Things I Do Every Day

after Ted Berrigan

Floss my throat
                        wash my feet then glower
kiss Curtis at 7:30
                        to shake him
feed Kitty
            philosophical tenders
stroll the valley
                        of dearth to Journal Square
keep faith like a Benedictine
                                    under the Hudson

Work like a yo-yo
                        nap like a bear
address endless emails
                        to forgotten writers
jack the meter
            to stand tall
drink lust as if
                        it were spring water
walk through the Mews
            when the coast is near
leave my friends and shadows
                        generous margins for error

-John Keene